Janey Godley’s Blog

Award-winning Blog, running since 2004, which provides an astoundingly honest, candid and sometimes jaw-dropping insight into stand-up comic and best-selling author Janey Godley's extraordinary collection of domestic crises, marital tiffs, horrific nightmares, romantic interludes, oddball travels, meetings with ‘mad, bad and dangerous to know’ people with occasional hilarious incidents. ‘Not politically correct’ ‘Not normal’ ‘Sexually explicit’ ‘Verbally explicit’ ‘Highly addictive’.

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My Head is going to Explode…

janeygodley | 12 June, 2007 14:57

I had a horrible migraine, well it’s either that or a brain tumour is slowly building up for a blow out in my head. It was like a giant dwarf inside my head banging away with a sledge hammer.

I had to take the special tablet that the doc gave me ages ago. I am not to take it if it’s just a wee headache; it has to be a stonker before I swallow the BIG pill.

The tablet is kept in a special box in the medical cupboard at my home.

The Ceremony of taking the pill was like George Bush had decided to start a nuclear war and needed the special code that opened the box that let him press the big RED button!

Husband carried the pill through to me and I swallowed it. I waited with anticipation on the impending heart attack, convulsions and swollen tongue that are detailed in the list of side effects. Nothing happened.

I simply fell asleep and woke up with a much smaller gnome in my head that cracked my temple with a tiny toffee hammer. Much better.

So life goes on.

Got my Glastonbury Tickets through, I am performing at the Cabaret Tent next week and am still without transport. I am sure I will get there!

I walked to the post office yesterday to post my book to a mate. Outside the post office were two guys in a van who I recognised as the gardeners that work round our estate. (No I don’t own an estate, I live on one!)

“Hey you are Janey Godey!” one guy called out to me. My hair was a mess, I was pale due to the brain tumour I am growing and I wasn’t quite sure I was wearing a bra, in fact I was still in my pyjama trousers. I grimaced at the thought of meeting anyone when I look like Scary Mary the Mad Cat lady.

“Yes, I am” I smiled through gritted teeth and a dry acrid mouth.

“Listen to this” He waved me over to his van.

Then I heard my big annoying voice belt out of his cd system.

“We have you on cd” he shouted over me swearing on stage.

I was aghast. I haven’t distributed a cd, where the fuck did he get that from?

“My pal taped you onstage at Edinburgh and we listen to you all the time” he smiled.

“That’s a bootleg cd of me, I haven’t sold or made a cd” I answered.

“Shh, this bit is funny, wait to you hear her say this” he told me.

“Mate I fucking know what she is going to say because it’s ME” I shouted back.

They asked me for an autograph and I walked off hearing my own voice laughing in the background. I have been bootlegged.

I may have another migraine.


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