Posts: General
I have been on more aeroplanes than an American President; well that’s what it feels like. The good news is my long haul flight home from NZ was great. On both long flights (NZ to Hong Kong and then onto London ) I got three seats to myself, which is perfect for my wee body to get a lie...
Here in my hotel room in Auckland I am packing up the last of my luggage and stuff to catch the late flight to Hong Kong . Soon I will be flying across the world and home to my family. I can’t wait to see them. Equally I can’t wait to come back to New Zealand , what a place it...
The comedy show here in Auckland has sold out the entire season, so we have added another show. On Saturday 10 th May there is an extra show added at The Classic Basement at 5.30pm. These tickets are also selling well, so am excited! This morning I got woke up early in the...
This is my last week in Auckland and I am on the home straight, about five more days to go! I have had such a fab time here and I do love NZ more than I can say, though a break from the torrential rain would be nice. I managed to get a really good quality webcam on my laptop and...
I know I am 47 years old, but I never knew how everyone else in the world would feel about that and guess what? I am officially very old. I think I am the oldest performer at this Comedy Festival in NZ. All the young comics are so lovely but some of them do treat me as an...
Last week I flew to New Zealand via Hong Kong and am on tour till mid May at the New Zealand International Comedy Festival. Packing suitcases has become my speciality. The women’s magazines tell you how to take a ‘capsule wardrobe’ where a few items can make seventeen outfits!...
Well I am sorry I took so long to blog. I have been rather busy. My show opened three nights ago and it’s all great. I have had three wonderful reviews and that’s just perfect. The weather is horrendous; it’s really muggy and damp and keeps raining buckets. I have been soaked...
I am so happy, my show in Wellington sold out every night and the reviews were just awesome. I love this place. I did a Good Morning TV appearance as well and some radio and that was fun. The people here in NZ are just so welcoming and supportive. Every night the people came to...
I was so jetlagged and tired but my opening night in Wellington went awesome. I recall vaguely standing onstage and my legs hurting with the need to collapse, but I know it all went good. The show sold out and the people were so lovely they gave me loads of energy back. It was brilliant; I...
I have arrived in New Zealand and all is good so far…I may fall asleep and miss my first night, who knows? On the flight from London to Hong Kong Air New Zealand was quiet and I got four seats to myself and the on the flight from HK to Auckland I got three seats to myself, so I slept...
I was invited to open a new shop unit in Shettleston, the place I grew up in Glasgow. It is Kangaroo Self Storage Units. Shettleston is being slowly regenerated and it was amazing to see my old home town again. I don’t go back as often as I like. Too many bad and sad memories, but being there...
The smell of my own bed welcomes me. It isn’t a bad smell, but a me smell. There are fragrances of washing powder and nightmare sweats, but they are mine. At night I snuggle under the soft cotton duvet and flatten my face against my own pillow. I can smell my hair shampoo on the pillowcase...
Husband and I are nearly 30 years together now. I lay awake this morning and thought all about that. I have no idea why the idea of our marriage made me stay awake when I really needed some sleep, but it did. Maybe it’s because Ashley will 22 years old next week and I have been...
I flew into Munich on Monday afternoon to do the English Comedy Club gig. Terminal 5 was fine, I was expecting a fist fight but…all quiet on the terminal front. Mind you I did not put any luggage onto the hold. I carried a small bag over my shoulder. Munich looks nice,...
My run at the Soho Theatre was awesome. The three nights sold out and I had great shows. I love that theatre –so thanks for all who turned up to see me. I loved that you did. My best mate Monica came to see my show and it was so funny to see her sitting there in the audience....
I am so knackered – I am also so happy. My show at the Soho Theatre is selling great and my first night was packed. I love the Soho Theatre. I was tired from running around all day, you see I had to get up early (again) and head off to the NZ High Commission and organise my work...
I am flying out to New Zealand to do shows for the comedy festival over there, on April 20 th . Here is the performance dates- April 22 nd -26 th Wellington San Francisco Bathhouse April 29 th - May 10 th Classic Basement Theatre Auckland The flight...
I flew home from Southampton today. I spent the weekend there working at Jongleurs Comedy club and am knackered. On Saturday morning I got up early and got the train to Central London to take part in the Danny Wallace radio show, where I was chatting about my forth coming one woman comedy...
Everyone knows that China’s human rights record is disgusting. We in the West are well aware of their iron grip on the information that is fed to its own people. The Dalia Lama is demonised and vilified by the Chinese government and just watching the horrific attacks on TV on the Buddhist...
I will be performing at Glastonbury this year and I need to hire a 2/3 berth campervan in London from 25 th June till 30 th June. I have a mate who will drive it down for Ashley and I into the Cabaret Field and I just need anyone out there who knows of a decent priced company...
“Can you tell me why you love me?” I asked husband. We were lying together on the sofa. He put his big hand on my forehead and pushed me away to look at me “Why?” he asked. “I read an article about men who wrote some stuff about what makes their wives loving” I said....
It can be hard being creative and trying to get some writing done. In the middle of me getting fantastic ideas shit happens like my niece will call and say “Please come and take my three kids before I fake my own death, they are making me insane and I am considering tying them...
It was an awesome night. A complete sell out show, around 1,450 people crammed into the Theatre Royal in Glasgow . I was the opening support act and I loved every minute of it. Jerry Sadowitz is my comedy hero; we have known each other for over 25 years now. Jerry did his...
Glasgow Airport is where I spend most of my time these days. I am either off on a flight or coming home. Last night I arrived from London and the police had decided that people who were driving in to pick up people in their newly appointed waste land of a pick up point were...
I used to have a cat called Whisky. He was huge and fat and ginger and liked to sit on me the minute I sat down. The house was quite big but if I opened a newspaper and got engrossed Whisky would ignore the empty spaces and choose to sit right there on the bit of paper I was reading, and...
Hey everyone, if you are in London around 3 rd 4 th 5 th April I am doing my award winning one woman comedy show ‘Tell It Like It Is’ at the Soho Theatre in Dean Street. Do click on the link for tickets please HERE It would be a great chance for me to catch up with...
Nottingham has been tiring but fine. I never slept much as four big baldy headed stag party men decided to have a homo- erotic type fight at 4am this morning in the room next to mine in the hotel. Maybe they discovered they were all gay and wanted to give the room a vigorous make over?...
I attended a special charity dinner for Epilepsy Scotland. They have an interesting event where five speakers get up and do ten minutes of funny chatting to compete for ‘WAG of The Year’ Wag meaning ‘chatty story teller’. Now I never bothered to read any of the emails to check...
“Ladies, are you all having fun?” the curvy blonde hostess squealed with excitement over the microphone. I looked around and watched a whole room of predominately blonde women throw their skinny brown arms in the air and whoop. I was at a charity luncheon organised by influential...
Life is mad at the moment. Was in Newcastle last night doing my one woman show, the crowd were so nice and really made me feel welcome. Husband and I drove down to Newcastle late afternoon and decided not to stay over as I have work today. I am doing a private gig in the afternoon and am...
The opening night of the Glasgow Comedy Festival was awesome. My one woman show was heaving with people and it was heartening to see so many comedy fans turn up for the show. John Smeaton (The Glasgow airport hero) introduced me onstage and it was a lovely reception. I also got to...
Yes, Glasgow is cold and frosty, yet the sun shines! I am so glad to be home. Ashley had cleaned the house for my arrival as her and her dad live like students when I am gone and use every single dish, pot and plate in the kitchen over a three day period. I haven’t...
People watching in the London underground, is a huge passion of mine and last night was no exception, I stared at people. There were many drunken revellers on the Central Line after I finished my show and the tube was crammed. Across from me were two slightly drunk but very well...
I am in London working, yet again. The weather is howling, the wind last night nearly made me piss myself with fear. I am here alone and have been having a spate of nightmares, so windy weather battering at my window just isn’t helping. My dreams are insane… Small weird...
Landing in London on Monday I was exhausted. I had been up half the night with nightmares. Sometimes I suffer really badly from the scary dreams and that night had been a spectacular horror fest. My emotions were ragged and I felt as though my brain would explode. I didn’t...
I had such a great time being the compere at Glasgow Jongleurs over the past weekend. The acts had a good time and the audiences loved the shows. But last night (Saturday) as I stood on stage I noticed a wee red light in the back of the room shining every time I was onstage and I...
Back in the late 70s my old Uncle John came to live with my highly dysfunctional family. In our small two bedroom flat there was my brother Jim, his girlfriend and their baby, my other brother David, his best pal Charlie, my mum and my old Uncle John. Uncle John was my dad’s...
Time Out Magazine in London has an online voting competition for the top ten best stand-up comics. There is a form on the link below, if you have seen my act and you feel like voting for me please enter my name and explain why. Am not asking my Bloggers to vote...
Just a quick note to all you lovely Newcastle people who are comedy lovers, I am doing a one woman show at the address below. Do come along if you fancy a fun night out. It would be nice to see some bloggers there! NEWCASTLE COMEDY FESTIVAL – March 8 th -The Northern Stage-...
The year was 1978. I was standing in the blazing sunshine on a beach in Redcar, in Yorkshire . Wearing a woolly jumper wasn’t a good thing, but I didn’t own a tee shirt or any semblance of summer wear. Redcar was the place I ran to when I left my home in Glasgow ; I was 17...
I don’t know which is worse, my husband doing nothing OR my husband being so efficient that he has thrown out almost all of the contents of my home. For the last three weeks husband has been in superman mode and cleaned out every cupboard, drawer and wardrobe. It is making Ashley and me...
All my life people have told me ‘Janey, you talk too much’. Like from my mum when I was child and my mum let me chat to Mr Simmons our neighbour and I told him a big story about how my dog has fleas and how my mum connects her own electricity whilst standing on a chair in the hallway and...
I had such a great time at this year’s BAFTA film awards on Sunday in London . I was already in London gigging at comedy, so by the time Sunday came along I was exhausted. I had a lovely dress and amazing necklace I bought at Harrods the day before, but I had to do so much on the day I...
Leicester 7.30am I am out of bed and off to the railway station to catch a train back to London , there I will get on the tube to Heathrow and catch a flight home. I need to be home, I am tried and feeling very low. How bad can the day go? You ask yourself…well fucking really bad, let me...
I flew to London last Tuesday; sorry my blog has been so bloody late but have been so busy and incredibly tired beyond belief. Though am still on the diet, killing me no end is my lack of chocolate! London was great as usual, I do love it. Stayed at the awesome Crown...
I sometimes get so bloody confused as to where I am supposed to be from one day to the next. Life is busy just now and travel plans are being changed daily. I am off to London tomorrow for a few days and then back up and down for the rest of February. To make matters worse I am...
My daughter Ashley reminded me of the time three years ago when she worked for a temping company. She really hated the job especially when she realised she was assigned to a senior citizen home. Not that she hates old people, but she really preferred office work, and nothing that would involve...
Well, I am a frequent flyer but that flight back from Prague was horrific; I genuinely thought it was going to fall out of the sky near Glasgow . There have been really horrendous winds in Glasgow and as the flight approached the landing, the plane felt like King Kong...
Well I arrived for my well deserved break; husband and I are staying in the MOST amazing apartment’s right in the city. I swear to God, its luxury, I have never seen this calibre of serviced flat outside London ! The huge ornate gated entrance leads up to wonderful high ceilinged flat that...
I woke up old in Cardiff, I am 47 today and I have waited so long for this birthday, as I have finally reached the age my mammy died at, but I suppose I will have a big celebration at my 48 th birthday next year as that’s when I will have outlived her! And I must outlive her!...
Janey Godley Tell It Like It Is! Thursday, March at 8:00 PM The Garage 490 SAUCHIEHALL STREET GLASGOW G2 3LW TICKETS £9.50/£7.50 BOOKINGS 0870 013 5464 To buy ticket Click Here...
I flew to Cardiff yesterday at tea time and the wind nearly whipped me off my wee fat ankles. The flight was fine, but on arrival at the airport I exited and headed for the taxi office and the strong wind picked up my thick hair that in turn gave my face whiplash. I checked...
Every woman has a best friend. One who has seen her through dodgy perms, fake tan dilemmas and pregnancy scares? A good mate has seen you through your very worst days and been witness to your finest moments. My mate Monica is that person. She lives in London , has a really...
I just thought I would mention that The Scotsman newspaper that I write a weekly column for has now allowed people to view the articles without paying a subscription. So if you want to read my latest columns free of charge…please check it out. Click Here...
Husband decided that besides doing my yearly tax shit he would completely empty the contents of every single piece of paper work that I own and dump it the middle of the living room and sort it out. Window cleaning and washing down the huge Welsh Dresser and all its contents was included in...
It was the year of punk that I met Louis Philippe. Well, we never actually met in person; he was my foreign pen pal; he lived in Portugal and we wrote to each other ever week. I loved the letters. He cheered me up. Dear Janey, I am sitting on the...
My daughter Ashley fell a few weeks ago when her trainer caught on the escalator of the underground tube train station and hurt herself. At the time it was just her knee that seemed to take the blow. But since that first week of December when the fall happened she has had chronic back pain....
I have a mole on the top of my shoulder at the back of my neck. I insisted that I would finally get it seen to as it has been itchy lately. I made an appointment with the doc for 5pm and ran across the street in the driving freezing snow and sat in the Georgian drawing room that...
Husband and I spent the New Year bells watching TV and reading quietly. I had just come off stage at Glasgow Jongleurs. I was on Scottish television on their New Year show called ‘From SR to Lavvie Head’ it was all about famous advertisements. We inadvertently clicked on and I...
It was 1979, I was just eighteen years old and this was my very first time. People had told me it gets easier the more you do it, but I wasn’t too sure. But how hard can it be… running a bar on your own? My boyfriend’s dad George took me down to this old pub he owned...
I have decided to stop smoking and get fit. Yes…I know …it’s that time of the year when we realise that we are going to be fat and old for another year. This time I know I need to do something about it as I am about to turn 47 years old in January. This is a really important birthday...
Well it was a tiring day for us. I was awoken by at least five calls and ten text messages beeping on my phone. I am not annoyed, I have friends! I got up and staggered through to the living room half asleep and realised it was 1pm. It was the middle of the bloody day, what is...
We all sat tonight in the flat, me – husband and daughter. The tree is up the gifts are wrapped and Ashley has been boiling apples, pears and some cinnamon cocktail for a compote that she is serving tomorrow. The house really does smell like Christmas. She is making some...
Standing in the bank, I got pissed off at the size of the queue. The bank was crowded. In front of me was a really wee old lady, she was wearing a wee pink woolly hat and leaning on a stick. We had about nine people to go in front and I decided to tell the wee old woman to sit down....
I finally got my Christmas tree up. Husband did drag it out of the cupboard and huffily dumped it on the carpet. I clapped my hands, I love my tree…he hates it. Husband has an aversion to all things Christmassy and it annoys me to death. I felt like getting a bobble from the tree and...
My best mate Monica showed me a brochure for a very expensive spa in Central London . I don’t fancy it, but I didn’t tell her that as she was so excited. I have no intention of paying £250 to wear someone else’s over sized towelling bath robe, and to let some skinny chic throw hot stones...
Is it an age thing? Or does everyone hate shopping at this time of year? I get hot, sweaty and really annoyed at people who bang about and whack me with their heavy shopping bags. They ignore all politeness and manners; they shove, push and just rudely batter each other in the quest to get...
Leeds was lovely, but I am glad to be home. I have a sore throat and chesty cough and feel like shit. I had to get up today and drag my carcass awake. I managed to fix my hair nice and get my entire make up done as I was going to STV to do a comedy thing to camera. I felt like sleeping...
I am still in Leeds . Life was in turmoil yesterday. My brother Jim now lives in Essex with his daughter and five lovely grand kids and I go a call saying he had taken ill. Jim is a complex person but I adore him, regular readers of this blog will know that Jim has come through...
I love Leeds , I am here for a week performing comedy at Jongleurs and the place is awesome. Very cosmopolitan, sassy and certainly a jewel in the north, but and I say BUT very hesitantly. If you want to catch a glimpse of the working class, real Northerners, the Alan Bates type...
I flew into Norwich on Monday from Glasgow . The flight was great and on arrival at Norwich airport there was a white BMW mini bus ready to take me to the hotel in Titchwell, just as the BBC ordered. I was doing ‘Just a Minute’ radio show in Kings Lynn and staying in the lovely...
Things happen to me. I went to my local late night Asian shop to get milk and fags at 2am. This is normal for me and I love it when it’s quiet. Anyway when I arrived there were two police officers, one a woman and one a man. The shop was empty except two members of staff who...
There is nothing better than getting into your own bed with your favourite pillow and cuddling into it. The familiar smell of your own bedroom is great and hearing Ashley banging doors as she gets up for Uni was even wonderful. I missed my home and am glad to be home from Canada ....
I love Toronto …the people are quirky, funny and almost rude but in a nice way. Husband and I have been slightly stressed due to the nature of the gigs over here, but all in all it’s been good. Some gigs are way out of town and he ends up sitting in the apartment – he does...
Well we flew to Toronto , Zoom airlines are really cool, nothing special but you really do get nice service. I managed to get three seats to myself and slept a bit on route. Husband and I landed in Toronto and by some shitty luck, the comedy promoter managed to misjudge our...
On Sunday the 11 th November I am off to do comedy at the Toronto Comedy festival. I fly into Glasgow on Sunday morning from Bristol and then go home for an hour to swap cases and then head out to Toronto at 3pm that day! So I am quite excited and can’t wait to get there and...
My daughter has finally found a guy she fancies, but she is tortured. Every time he joins her conversation she inadvertently says things like ‘Bum rape’ ‘Castration’ and ‘tampons’ even if these subjects are not even relevant to the chat she will manage to say them out loud when ever he is...
I am finally home….well at least for a wee while. I was in London and my laptop was so screwed up my blog suffered. I do love London though trying to do comedy with fireworks banging in the background was eternally annoying. I went up to Oxford to perform comedy and met up with...
I am sorry I have been missing in action yet again…I am in London and the web has been slightly dodgy. I am in an amazing apartment thanks to the people at Crown lawn who always make me feel like a princess, which is nice. I do love this part of London , I am in Kensington/Chelsea and...
I am off to London this weekend, just for a week of gigs down south. I am looking forward to it, I do love London . There is a distinct anti- English feeling sometimes in Scotland ; people can very rude about southern cousins. Some people say to me “That’s a shame you have to go...
I stared at the blank screen on my laptop, it blinked and effectively died, right there in front of me. A tight pain went in my chest, but then it blinked back on and I quickly saved loads of my files and emailed them to myself. Then I killed the pc by turning it off, I knew it would never...
I had a hectic weekend. I went up to Aberdeen as I was performing my one woman comedy show at The Lemon Tree club/theatre which is an awesome space to do comedy in. I got an early train up and checked into a hotel just on the outskirts of the main city centre as I figured that would be quiet....
This really happened, I have spent years thinking about it and every time I recall it, it makes me feel creepy, scared and sad. Back in 1985 I was pregnant and very ill. I developed some weird sickness that meant I could not hold down any food during the pregnancy and I almost had to...
The other night Ashley came home late from University, she was roaring drunk. She had been out with some guys from class and drank Tequila. I was sitting happily watching TV and the giant stumbling daughter from hell arrived. She banged every door in the house and started speaking very...
I was gigging with a lovely Asian comic, Inder Manocha. He is an amazing comic and wonderful man and when we spoke backstage about Asians and Scottish people’s attitude towards them it made me recall when I was young. I lived in Shettleston in Glasgow’s East End and in the 1960s, we had many...
I was gigging with a lovely Asian comic, Inder Manocha. He is an amazing comic and wonderful man and when we spoke backstage about Asians and Scottish people’s attitude towards them it made me recall when I was young. I lived in Shettleston in Glasgow’s East End and in the 1960s, we had many...
Went over to see my favourite wee great-niece Abi, her wee sister Julia and big brother Shawn, they are so cute. Shawn is ten, Abi is four and wee Julia is one year old now and is almost walking about. They are the kids of my niece Ann Margaret. Abi is the funniest wee human being in the...
The Glasgow Stand was an awesome gig on Friday, the place was crowded and the audience were very appreciative. How nice to get such a reaction! It was great to gig in my own fair city; I am off to Leicester next weekend to work- back on the road. Saturday morning I was off to the beautiful...
Tom McAnea was jailed last this week for six years in Glasgow after being caught printing millions of Euros and Sterling. ‘Hologram Tam’ he was dubbed by the Glasgow police, as he was an expert in his field. Tam was known the world over for being the best in his business; he was a genius...
Warm baked bread, always makes me think about the old bakery in Shettleston where I grew up. The bakers shop had a typical layout. It had loads of glass shelves with bread; cakes and buns all on display and it had white coated shop assistants serving the customers. The black and white...
During the Edinburgh Fringe 2004 I wrote in chalk on the walls of Edinburgh my name ‘Janey Godley’. It became a really well known piece of graffiti and now I am sending out a call to all the people all over the world who read my Blog to write ‘Janey Godley’ in CHALK on any...
There can be nothing to make you feel more ancient than young people who had out flyers for city centre night clubs avoiding you in the street. These pretty long legged sexy chicks saw husband and I approaching and almost got hit by a speeding car to make sure we weren’t...
I recall our first wedding anniversary as if it were yesterday. We ran a pub at the time and we both got out of bed to them smell of coffee emanating from the coffee maker which was on a timer and spluttered to life every morning at 9am. The radio clicked on and Fat Larry’s band sang ‘Zoom’. It...
Back in 1982 we owned a bar in the East End of Glasgow. It was the kind of place that Hollywood directors would later spend millions of pounds recreating when they made films about the birth of New York . It was a back street hellhole; the customers wouldn’t have...
There is a wonderful organisation here in the UK called The Samaritans who are on call 24 hours a day; they listen to people who are on their hunkers and at their deepest darkest despair. Sometimes people just need to talk, it doesn’t have to be suicide it can be about bullying, worries...
Following on from the previous blogs about what men must never do or say – here is the female equivalent! Women must never say to men- · Can you actually see your penis when you look down, or does your tummy hide it? ·...
Flybe airline in the UK have driven me to near screaming. I was booked to fly out of Glasgow on the 9am flight to Southampton to do comedy from the Thursday till Sunday. So I got up at 7am and made my way to the airport all sleepy headed and irritable. (I don’t do mornings)....
To follow on from my last blog that I had so many comments about, so I thought I would add on. Here are some examples of what men must NOT do. Men must… Never buy Lavender talcum as a birthday present, and then after the screaming has finally abated...
A mate called me last week and as she is single she discussed certain things a man must DO and NOT DO to be on a list of possible boyfriends. Now I thought this was awful but then I realised I too have an agenda that my man must follow. For example, I know I could never have married or...
I think I make a good friend to my close pals. Though according to very reliable sources I exhaust people, I talk too much and I don’t really listen. This last bit could be true as I know that sometimes when people tell me their problems I am mentally redecorating their...
The latest news in the Team McCann story is gripping the UK . You will probably know the story about Madeleine McCann. Madeleine went missing from her holiday flat in Portugal on May 3 rd when her parents left her and her two younger siblings alone as they had a dinner...
On Saturday husband and I drove through Anstruther; it’s a small fishing village in Fife . Home to the UK’s best fish and chip shop and near enough to St Andrews’ for us to seek accommodation for the night when I was playing the Byre Theatre. We decided to stop when I...
Husband and I took a short break down to the beautiful Lake District . The weather was awesome and so amazing. The place is so startlingly lovely. The rolling hills that line the stunning lake make a great backdrop to Bowness in the Lake District . The down side is that...
Many years ago I used to hang out in a wee Italian Café in Shettleston where I was born. It’s a small place Shettleston; it’s the kinda place where if the full moon gets reflected in the local pond, people threw in dead cats to see if they will be resurrected in its magical waters. I...
My Niece Ann Margaret has a cat called Squeak. Apparently it’s her daughter Abi’s cat, but we are not sure. What I am sure of is, the cat has a personality disorder. It goes to its litter tray, does a wee shit, and then instead of scratching the litter over the shit, it turns around...
I never thought I would be old enough to buy a face cream for wrinkles…and today I did just that. It sort of crept up on me without me knowing, did age. It sneaked in during the night one dark winter and slipped into my left knee and sustained it creaky. One sunny day as I squinted at...
I have realised that after 27 years of marriage I may have brainwashed my husband or at the very least wiped out his past memories. He told me that the inner voice that everyone has, you know the voice that reminds you to shut the door or zip up your fly, has been replaced from his voice to...
Having spent weeks in Edinburgh at the Fringe I am slightly disorientated back in Glasgow . I am home, unpacked and have my daughter Ashley back with me. She was off to Amsterdam halfway though the fringe as she went on holiday with her mates. It’s the first time...
I am sorry I was late so here is a run down of my fringe 2007. The chat show was an awesome experience and some of the guests were a delight, Edwina Currie, Julian Clary, Ray Wyre, John Smeaton ( The airport hero who fought off the terrorists in Glasgow), Brendon Burns, Tom Robinson, Paul...
Dear all my Blogging mates, I am so very sorry I haven’t blogged in a week, this is the longest period of abstinence since I started Blogging in 2004. The Edinburgh Fringe has me in its cast iron grip and I haven’t had complete access to the internet and what with working lots…well…I...
The amazing John Smeaton is the man who kicked into the terrorists who tried to explode Glasgow airport back in June. He is my exclusive guest on my chat show on August 23 rd at the Green Room venue. I spoke to him today and he is a lovely big guy and mine is the only show he is...
Well after letting in the press on the first days on my shows I have so far got a 5 star review in the Glasgow Herald and a 4 star review in the Three Weeks Magazine! I am well pleased like you cannot imagine. Ashley is having all sorts of artistic differences going on at...
Well we are all manic. Ashley’s play has started down at the Ego venue and my two shows are going great guns. The ticket system is a pain in the arse. Firstly, the Fringe Box office and the Pleasance can’t decide how to work out and sell the tickets and then they are varying accounts of...
Well we moved into the flat in Edinburgh for my three week run at the Fringe Festival. The flat is awesome, so big and light and I love it. The good news is, it is just out of the city centre so the noise levels are fabulous. No screaming in the street outside like the flat last year!...
At this time of the year, I always have deep scary dreams. It’s the stress of the fringe playing on my mind. This one was particularly horrifying. It started with my daughter’s best pal Victoria, she was standing in my living room and we were jokingly mocking her about a boy she had...
Now not only am I having the worst period pains in my life, but I have to get packed up and move to Edinburgh and start doing my fringe shows. I had the most hectic weekend as well. On Friday night I did my comedy preview show at Kilmarnock, then went to the Central station and...
Yes I know it’s hard to believe but I actually have my own tribute act! That’s me and Billy Connolly has our own personal imitators in Scotland . I have arrived! He is a Scottish comic and he does a character called Senga McInally and it’s based on me. I heard about it...
I remember about twelve years ago, I went to a private therapist to talk about the sexual abuse I had suffered as a child. I didn’t really want to go but was advised that it would help. This was a new age type of holistic therapy. But it was recommended and although I was hesitant I tried...
Well Glasgow is incredibly hot so I went to the park today to eat lunch and I actually made a daisy chain! I haven’t made one in years and it does take a bit of practise. At least I got some peace and quiet. I saw the feature of Ashley and I in the Sunday Times Ecosse...
It seems Middle England is under water this week. Huge floods have swept across most of Cheltenham, Gloucester and other places that sound like building society’s in the UK . Scotland seems to be fine so far and I am not sure if we are under threat but there is a reason they...
Glasgow has a pedestrian area where more often that not Jesus people come past, set up camp and shout about God. I had a small argument with them as the young boy with the microphone asked me if my life was perfect and I shouted “ Yes, I have no God to serve, I am good to people, I give...
There is a new charity in Scotland being launched tonight called World HIV Aids Charity in Edinburgh and I am an ambassador. I am doing a speech and an auction, and I will auction the authors signed copy of the latest Harry Potter book! I may read the last few pages and spoil it...
We were passing a field the other day and there was a goat sucking on a sheep’s teats, well I hope that’s what it was doing, I hope I never witnessed sheep rape, I am not sure if it was a female sheep-anyway the sheep was trying to get away and goat was really insistent. Yuk. Whilst...
Husband, Ashley and I went out to Balmaha beach on Loch Lomond . It is very nice but there are too many dogs running around shitting everywhere, despite a ‘dogs on leads only’ notice up in the car park. The stony beach overlooks the east side of Loch Lomond and it can be a...
Yes I am becoming obsessed with this subject matter. I woke up this morning and panicked as I realised I am nearly 50…well I am 46 and that’s fucking close enough. I recall the 80s like it was yesterday, I can tell you what I wore, who I voted, how I felt and what music I liked and...
My bed is directly beneath my window in our bedroom and we always have the window tilted open. This morning I woke up with screaming and screeching in my ear, I leapt to the floor and ran to the door when husband shouted “Its ok it’s a gull outside, not Ashley” I fell on the bed in a...
I have been having the strangest dreams lately. One took me back in time to 1974. I saw myself in a mirror in the dream and I recognised myself as a teenager back I in those days…it was really odd. I forgot how small and curly haired I looked. The strange thing was, I was 46...
I am nearly very old and I feel it, I am 46 now and truly that is old for being a stand up comic, all the other comics who are female are mostly young and sexy. I know I am old because… 1) I actually use the handles on my bath and now stick my feet onto the bath non...
This is my new Fringe poster for the Edinburgh Festival 2007 JANEY GODLEY – JANEY GODLEY'S CHAT SHOW 2nd-26th August - 5.00pm at The Green Room The Green Room, 37 Guthrie Street, Edinburgh EH1 1JG www.janeygodley.co.uk/fringe2007...
Is Dr Who going to be the only doctor from lands afar that we can now depend on? The latest news that terrorist cells are being established through the NHS with Pakistani/ Indian originated doctors in the UK is horrifying. Is Locum a new word for bomb? We have thousands...
Things are making me crazy lately; I always get freaked out this time of year as I prepare to go to the Edinburgh Fringe. The organisation alone makes me feel like I have to be one of those mystical Hindu Gods with seventeen arms and possibly two heads. Luckily I do have help, but I still...
Am sitting in Leeds chatting on the phone to my daughter Ashley, she was still in Glasgow and it was late afternoon on Saturday. She then told me that Glasgow had just had a terrorist attack. Two Asian men had rammed a Cherokee Jeep into the front of Glasgow Airport . This was...
I am going home tomorrow and getting everything ready for my posters and flyers for my two shows at Edinburgh this year. I am doing a chat show at 5pm at Green Room and a one woman comedy show at Pleasance at 7pm - tickets are available online and selling well already! To book online for my...
There can be nothing better than your first decent shower in a warm bathroom after Glastonbury . Ashley and I had our first shower in London to be precise. We were staying in a friend of mines house, he is gay and an architect and you should have seen his shower room! WOW…a huge...
Well I survived. I am sorry I have not written a blog in days but there was no internet connection whatsoever. Ashley my daughter and I pitched the tent (in the rain) and it was allocated beside the campfire (which never stayed alight because of the rain). Within hours the whole campsite...
My daughter Ashley and I got up early in Glasgow to fly out to London today (Wednesday). We are packed and ready to head off to Glastonbury . First we must stop off in London as I get my lift from London to the festival site and Ashley has packed a huge case of clothes which I...
I cannot believe that Daryl Hall is 61 years old; I just found this out when I uploaded his amazing solo album from 1993 ‘Soul Alone’. I found a big box of cd’s in my wardrobe from when I used to own a bar in my almost past life. You should hear ‘Philly Mood’ its astounding. The best...
I saw the weirdest ever tattoo on a fat girls tummy last week. At first I thought it was ‘go faster’ type stripes she had inked into her tummy either side of her bellybutton pointing up the way. I couldn’t imagine anyone having ‘go faster’ stripes on her belly, how fast does she...
I am sleeping too much again. It all started with the bad headache but ended up with an askew sleep pattern. I need to get back on track with my productive life. I have been working…don’t get me wrong, I am half way through my article for next weeks Scotsman and am coming up with marketing...
I had a horrible migraine, well it’s either that or a brain tumour is slowly building up for a blow out in my head. It was like a giant dwarf inside my head banging away with a sledge hammer. I had to take the special tablet that the doc gave me ages ago. I am not to take it if it’s...
Back in the 1960s in inner city Glasgow we used to have a man who came round the streets with a big horse and cart. He would blow on an old brass horn and all the kids would come running out of their houses and head straight for the Ragman. His big horse was old and smelly...
I went to Balmaha beach at Loch Lomond . It’s my favourite spot in Scotland . It’s a stony beach beside a lovely Loch and usually so quiet and peaceful. This time there were a few screaming kids that truly deserved a fork in their nasty wee foreheads…noisy fuckers....
Seems the day I had flown out of JFK, the New York police and FBI stopped a plot to blow it up! They have arrested four men who are allegedly the terrorists who had organised to explode the fuel pipes that feed that airport. I don’t know if the day I was flying out was that day...
Yes, bleak rainy Glasgow is good reminder of where I am from. I am glad to see the rain of Scotland batter off my bedroom window, believe me…after all that oppressive heat of NY; I am bathing in the rain! I have slept more than I should and now it is Sunday afternoon and Ashley is...
New York has the biggest crawly bugs I have ever seen. Standing in the street in flip flops I looked down and there running towards my foot was a big reddish cockroach, so I screamed like a girl. In the apartment where I am staying, I saw another huge bug scuttle behind my...
By email a friend suggested that I had to write seven things that people would not know about me. Now this is hard for me as I have written my autobiography and have blogged my inner most feelings since 2004, so what’s to write that you might not know? So I had a big long think...
I am 46 and staying out to 5am to go partying is not a good idea as far as I am concerned. I hung out with friends and ended up catching a cab at dawn, the view of Manhattan and the sun rise was just worth the late night. I had four hours sleep then got up and went off to Coney...
It is stifling here and I cannot believe that all the clothes I have packed are useless and I am walking around Manhattan in my sloppy pyjamas, as these are the coolest clothes I own. I feel like a homeless person. Mind you down in the Bowery where I performed my play and...
The weather is awesome, John Fleming (my manager and all round helper) is with me and I am doing my one woman play ‘The Point of Yes’ tonight at a theatre off Broadway. I have been in New York before, but fuck how I forgot about the sheer noise level of traffic and every time I go to...
Ashley and I have been in London since Friday. We went to the Groucho club Gang Show on Saturday. The show is basically all the talented musicians and performers who are members of the private club; they get together and put on a huge five hour show. People like Heaven 17,...
Recent reports are saying that oral sex may lead to higher risk of throat cancer; my husband says the word ‘May’ in that sentence is important. I am worried sick and I might get his throat checked. He doesn’t seem too bothered and so life goes on. I have been slow with my...
My nephew Shaun who is ten years old fell and banged his head. Poor wee soul had a brain bleed and was rushed to hospital. I was so worried about him and went I went up for a visit; he was in no pain and was in a private ward getting all the attention from the nurses. Thanks nice nurses in...
I sat there on the sofa and chatted to husband, it was one of my long funny anecdotes, it’s a really funny story and you had to be there to laugh at it. I looked at husband when I was in full flow and he was completely ignoring me and watching telly. “You don’t listen to me ever!” I...
As you all know I love my wee baby great Niece Abigail, she is only 3 years old, but funny as hell. I got her on video last night chatting about how her mouse died. Now it has been a source of mystery how wee ‘Squeaky’ died. Abi carried this wee grey mouse around for days and loved it then...
This blog gets over half a MILLION hits a week and I am sending out into the big wide world web a quick plea. I am coming to New York on 22 nd May till 1 st June; I am performing my play The Point of Yes at the Green Room on Bleecker Street on 23 rd May. I need a decent cheapish...
Sorry I have been missing in action, I have been gigging in the hot sun of the UK . Things have been so hot here, I was off to seaside town of Southport in England the other day working and the place is LOVELY, so nice except the beach had miles upon miles of sand and the water is...
I went to visit my great niece Abi; she is three and half years old now and is funnier by the minute. Abi has all the DNA of my performing gene and loves nothing better than getting on her wee ‘stage’ or footstool that she carries around and does a show for us. This...
Glasgow is rainy and cold and my flip flops aren’t working well in the weather. Ashley was so happy to see us and looks great! She has a wonderful haircut and looks even more beautiful since we last saw her. Our flat has suspicious marks here and there, like in the toilet...
Sorry I have been late with the blog again! I write a weekly column for the Scotsman and invariably it is a page and takes up heaps of my time. I worry that my blog is suffering although being a ‘proper journalist’ is a real job and being a blogger is just fun – I have a huge...
I really cannot believe she is that old and it makes me quite sentimental. Her dad and I spoke to her minutes after midnight as she is in Glasgow and we are still in London . I miss her and cried as I heard her voice and immediately imagined her as a wee three year old with bunches in...
This is my new Fringe poster for the Edinburgh Festival 2007 JANEY GODLEY - TELL IT LIKE IT IS! 1st-27th August - 7.00pm at The Pleasance Dome www.janeygodley.co.uk/fringe2007 Also I will be performing a second show and I will post the new image when it’s...
I am still in London ; I was in Birmingham over the weekend doing Jongleurs. I left husband in the fancy apartment in Chelsea , there was no reason he should have to come up to Birmingham with me and Ashley is still in Glasgow . I really no longer know where home is....
I can’t believe that London was so cold when I first arrived that I had to buy a sheepskin jacket, now it’s too hot I had to go buy flip flops…that hurt my wee scabby Scottish feet. Bring on global warming… The gigs are going well and I am enjoying travelling all over...
I am still in London and will be for a while. I am missing Ashley my daughter so much and yesterday she called and told me she had all her hair cut into a mullet! What the fuck is that? My beautiful girl had thick long dark amazing hair down her back…what has she done? On...
Am I the only person in the world who bought MBT trainers that hates them? MBT trainers are these weird curved sole shoes that apparently make you walk like a barefoot Masia Warrior. It is supposed to make you feel better and your legs get more exercise…I walk like a drunken heroin...
“There is a Scottish pub in Fulham, lets go round and watch the Celtic match” Husband suggested as we walked through Chelsea in the sunshine. “I hate football pubs and hate anything Scottish in another country, it’s all too patriotic for me” I moaned. So we went there as...
London is cold and bright, I am tired and husband is so bloody efficient that I may enter him (not physically) but for Husband of the Week. He has packed, moved and organised our trip to London . We are down for three weeks and I have gigs all over the south...
She was only thirteen years old and the club was full of people waiting to see the UK ’s youngest stand up comic. Oh by the way she didn’t actually die physically, it’s a comedy term for having a bad gig. Ashley had been doing stand up since she was 11 years old and was...
My brother had a consultation today at the cancer clinic (he has cancer; we weren’t there for the social benefits). I love my brother but he is nuts…in a good way. “Janey I have a…” Mij broke off halfway through a sentence. The women near us looked up and...
“Auntie Janey, can you take me to the zoo so I can stroke a mermaid, coz I have never seen one yet” baby Abi pleads with big penny eyes as we did a jigsaw of a beautifully drawn mermaid. The stunning green shimmering tail enchanted wee Abi’s imagination and she traced her finger...
This one is in Dunfermline though, which is the birth place of Andrew Carnegie, the wee town is awesome. The hall was amazing and the crowd were wonderful. Dunfermline is a pretty town and the architecture is stunning. Though I did come across and annoying...
Standing in front of a huge bunch of 13 year old kids and a hall full of students was not the ideal location for my Monday afternoon. The McEwen Hall in Edinburgh played host to the election debate and I was the comedy warm up. I was slightly worried that my comedy...
Am just home from Dundee , it was amazing. Honestly so lovely and the people were nice. I was booked into a hotel called 25 in Dundee . It’s a boutique hotel and very much big upped itself on its webpage. Firstly there was NO wi-fi available and you have to check into the hotel through...
Monday morning I woke up and had to pack quickly for London . I had fallen asleep early the night before and never did my late night suitcase pack up which is my usual ritual. Husband drove me to airport and I was still groggy. I realised that day my first ever newspaper...
Well my one woman show at the Garage was wonderful and thanks to everyone who came along. The room was great and the audience were really cool. I love being onstage and today I got my review in The Scotsman my favourite quote from that review said ‘Truly inspired’ how awesome? The...
The Scotsman Newspaper called me last week and offered me my own column. I am so excited and scared…what if I am a shit writer…I know this blog is popular but I might be crap. I went through to Edinburgh for the photo session as I needed a new picture for the head of the...
Husband and I went a walk down into Kelvingrove Park . There was a wee winding path that took us down to the river. As we approached the look out point there was this amazing noise, it was like a rustling and thundering running sound. I turned round and before my eyes about 46...
I have had a really exciting week. Tickets are selling well for my one woman show Janey Godley Live! At Garage on March 8 th as part of the Glasgow Comedy festival and secondly I got offered my own weekly column in the Scotsman Newspaper. I am over the moon and so looking...
The eternal comedy question arises. When a woman walks on stage she knows that the majority of the audience are not convinced she is funny and has to hit them straight away with a joke to get them to relax and trust her, where as men are assumed funny the minute they walk on and hold...
“Auntie Janey, I can see the moon and the sun….look” pointed baby Abi as I walked her home in the late afternoon light. “How can I see both?” she asked. “Well it’s because the time of year and the light I think, I am not very sure Abi am sure Ashley will know because she is...
Sitting in the calmness of a wee coffee shop sipping a latte is great for me, no smoking cravings or anything, just me some coffee and a garibaldi biscuit. That was until a glossy dark haired woman in a fancy leather jacket came over to me holding up a laminated card that said...
Last night I was dreaming that a huge tidal wave flooded my home and I was carried away on a giant gulf of water. The dream was so scary and I woke up terrified, then strangely when Ashley came into the living room she said “Mum I dreamt a Tsunami came and drowned us” that freaked me out,...
I sat on the bumpy bus going to see my niece Ann Margaret today. Everything was fine, baby Abi was funny. She told me she killed her pet mouse because ‘She standed on it’ then she told me her hamster died because it ‘had a cold and embarrassment’ I knew that no rodent could die of...
I have had a really sore tummy and slept last night with a hot water bottle. I woke up this morning and stood on the cold wobbly-ness of the water bottle that had fallen on the floor and screamed. I was half asleep and it felt like standing on a dead toddler’s cold belly beside...
You wake up and know you can do it Your body twitches but you stay strong Everything everyone says makes you grind your teeth You gnash your back teeth till they hurt Every cup of tea reminds you that something is missing You are missing a fag You sit down in the bar...
Sorry for being so damn crap at the blog lately. Just to keep you updated, I am in London . I flew here yesterday to do the radio thing. The radio thing happened this morning; it was BBC Radio 4 Fi Glover Saturday Morning live! The show is awesome but it did start at 9am, which meant...
I have realised that time is a currency and I have to spend mine wisely. I seem to spend half my time asleep, in a world of mismatched people and frightening faces that remind of a time that made my soul feel dark. Why do these dreams haunt me so much? I am spending...
I had a great time last night at East Kilbride Arts Centre, it was amazing. The show sold out! Loads of people who had come had already read my book and that totally stuns me that people are still reading my autobiography. I am very humbled. I started talking about my mum;...
My baby niece is three years old and has a vivid imagination, in fact it scares me the stuff she says. Yesterday she told me this story…read on. Abi- “This story starts in a church; don’t worry as it’s a zombie church. There is me, Grandpa, two Meer cats and baby. The baby is dead....
So Ashley has decided that her dad and I are too old for sex. She told me yesterday “Mum you and dad are middle aged and you should both give up having sex”. I am stunned that she has the choice over this, but to be honest she always did in a bizarre way. When she was a foetus...
My daughter Ashley and I were laughing as we were recalling the night in a hotel in Auckland where we were staying when I was touring there last year. We had a lovely hotel suite and one night about 3am the room next door had banging noises that soon woke us up and we immediately...
I love working away at the weekends, this weekend was Nottingham . The club is fabulous and the place is really cool. As usual the hotel had internet at £6000 a minute…ok that was an exaggeration, it was £15 but that is still extortion as far as I am concerned. The other downside...
Big favour to ask all my Blog mates... My mate Tom is into animation and he has his own comic book called Space is the Place, I loved it so much and it has been passed from friend to friend here in Scotland. Now I found out we can vote for him on an internet forum, so please please vote to...
I have suddenly realised that being me is dull…so why write a blog then? I hear you ask…well sometimes exciting things happen. Like last weekend when I was in Groucho and the lovely sexy pop star Sophie Ellis-Bextor came over and told me she loved my comedy work. Her boy friend nodded...
The Hackney Empire was full of crazy comics last night. The show was to pay tribute to the amazing Malcolm Hardee and loads of lovely comics turned up to do their stuff. I was there in attendance as hostess in the green room and I really dislike alcohol and people who drink alcohol! Not...
Sorry I have been missing in action, been here in London and doing stuff! I am staying in a wonderful apartment over looking West London , but I do get lonely here at times and wander around room to room talking to myself! The people at Crown Lawn serviced apartments really...
Check out my latest comedy sketch performed with my daughter Ashley- ‘Celebrity Big Brother Comedy Sketch’ Watch Shilpa Shetty get her final revenge on the foul mouthed Jade Goody. Caution this may offend as it contains offensive language. Just...
Well as predicted in my blog two days ago, Jade Goody is reported in the press as being ‘suicidal’ I did say that her next step at attention and retribution would be her threatening an attempt on her life. The Scottish Sun screams the headline today January 22 nd - ‘Jade on The Brink’...
I am now 46 years old as of yesterday. This means a host of things. 1- My womb will slowly fall apart and hormones will start to flood my system till I kill an owl or shag a teenage boy. 2- I will start to wear jumpers with shiny sequins and appliqué butterflies....
The train journey up through those beautiful snow capped hills was awesome and Inverness is just beautiful. I was doing a one woman show at the Eden Theatre and I was really concerned that on that frozen rainy night - no one would turn up to hear a Scottish woman gab about her life!...
Ashley asked to me go shopping for some mayonnaise, so I pulled on a pair of bright green welly boots, dragged my bushy hair up into a tufty ponytail and scrubbed my blotchy face and got ready to go out into the rain. I topped the look off with a giant overly big snow boarding coat that is...
I woke up this morning like a cloven hooved monster. Bad dreams plague me and I am not Doris Day at the best of times, so you can imagine how I feel when I wake up groggy and husband asked me thirty three different questions in a row like... “Good m