Janey Godley’s Blog

Award-winning Blog, running since 2004, which provides an astoundingly honest, candid and sometimes jaw-dropping insight into stand-up comic and best-selling author Janey Godley's extraordinary collection of domestic crises, marital tiffs, horrific nightmares, romantic interludes, oddball travels, meetings with ‘mad, bad and dangerous to know’ people with occasional hilarious incidents. ‘Not politically correct’ ‘Not normal’ ‘Sexually explicit’ ‘Verbally explicit’ ‘Highly addictive’.

Tits out in the Woods!

So I woke up and husband says “Why don’t we go for a long walk in the woods?” I thought to myself ‘Yes so you can kill me and bury deep, deep in the undergrowth since I have been nothing but a bitch since stopping smoking ‘ “It will be lovely and then we can go for lunch” He added....

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Black dog

I have stopped smoking again…I know what you are saying…when did you start again? Well I started smoking again since June when I was doing the play. Husband was bitterly disappointed with me and I cannot even begin to tell you how bad I felt when talking to my father. Never mind, I am...

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Old Photo’s make me smile

Went to see my old pal today and she pulled out loads of old pics. I was in one and I laughed my ass off totally...I was dressed in a long grey tweed looking skirt, a pale nylon blouse with a big tie bow at the neck and long sleeveless woollen cardigan that tied in the middle! My legs...

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Posters and Edinburgh

Well Ashley (my daughter) went through to Edinburgh to put up 'Janey Godley is Innocent' (name of my show) posters. They are just plain A4 sheets with black writing on...no explanation, just the words! It's a teaser campaign that she is working on. My real posters and flyers are being...

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Sex noises at 3am NOT ME!

Finally after getting to sleep and trying to mentally rake through my brain to make sure NO nightmarish ideas have been lodged ....I lie there and get disturbed by loud "Aaah, aaah YES YES!" coming from my car park. My bed is directly beneath my window and my window is open. I start...

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BT are bastards

My landline is not yet connected to broad band in fact it's fucking broke...yes I called BT (Welcome back to BT their slogan says-fuck off-I say) they tell me through a talking robot that there is a fault on the line but if I want to go online to email them I can! Yes if MY FUCKING PHONE...

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Cool City! Sunday 24th July

I do love Glasgow ! My husband and daughter are in Amsterdam for five days (she is having a pre-University holiday with her dad) and it's great being at home alone...I never get to do this- normally i am alone elsewhere in the world...but I now lie on my huge sofa, eat ice cream at...

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Tantrums and terrorists Saturday 23rd July

Been a long day, am tired and worn out trying to get my PC to work at least faster than it wants to. I am still off broadband as BT takes 10 days to come on….fucking shit. Spent today with baby Abi who made me laugh so much. She is only two and is not really allowed...

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Colour-blind politics Thursday the 21st July

I am so exhausted with bad dreams…when does this stop? Get this…I dreamt I was in Hell last night, a really scary dark eerie place, if felt so frightening and to make it worse I was convinced I was Dame Judy Dench! Fucking hell even my nightmares have to be theatrical!!...

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Sex and baked goods

I do seriously wonder if about men. Is it every time they have sex and sperm leaves their body; do they need to immediately fill that gap with baked goods? I am not joking here, husband leapt out of our bed at 4am… (It was a late night session…when does he slow down? I...

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The Birds.

So I finally get to the airport and Heathrow is heaving with holiday makers. I HATE that! I am a moany cow and a half at times. Anyway I do automatic check in with BA and proceed straight to ‘Fast Bag Drop’ as instructed. There is a big queue at the regular check in desk but...

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Fringe show

Well that’s the previews over and I learned so much from them it was so worthwhile doing. I now have a good idea of what i am taking to Edinburgh this year. I am back at the flat after having spent the day with Monica, she made a great lunch and we had a good walk round Chelsea...

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Sleepless in Westminster

I cannot seem to sleep well, this flat is amazing though...two bedrooms, ensuite toilets and power showers deluxe and I lie in that big bed and stare at the ceiling...I even have air con, yet I cannot rest well. Driving me mad, all my dreams are surreal and weird. I keep...

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OH MY GOD! Alexander O'Neal

YES! The soul sexy love God..Alexander O'Neal was a guest on the radio show BBC radio 4 'Loose Ends' (Tonight Saturday 6.15pm). I was doing a guest spot and HE was sitting beside ME....I melted...I have all his music on my IPOD.   (More)

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London and sweat

Well here I am in Hot hot London ....wheeew! The laptop could not get a dial tone in the apartment, so I am in the hottest internet shop in the world...I feel deathly sitting here with sweat dripping down my back! Nice!   (More)

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Confessions of a confessor

Well thanks for all the comments about yesterday's blog. I had explained my need for honesty in my life and confession...and not being a Catholic ( I have no religion, can you tell?) I decided that the best thing to do is keep all my dark secrets within my own head. Maybe on my death bed all...

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My full blog

If anyone wants to check my blog in full from months ago check this link http://janeygodley.bravejournal.com/ thanks all.

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The heat is on

I am slowly melting into a fat blob of liquid cellulite. I love Glasgow in the summertime, but shopping in that heat is clearly mental. The amount of kids out of school running up and down shopping aisles is crazy and screaming mothers, tempers flared by the heat chasing them for a slap (is...

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My Knickers on EBAY!

My daugter Ashley cornered me yesterday when I got home...I am all exhausted and she shoves a pair of knickers into my hand and black ink marker and said "Sign these whilst I take a picture"...so I did. I then went into unpack my things. Eventually when my brain worked properly I...

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The Observer

Just managed to read a newspaper without tearing it up (read post below!) and the Observer has a big BOOK review section and they TIP my BOOK 'Handstands in the Dark' as one of their recommendations as a 'HOT TIP' WOW! I am well pleased with that...I am up withere with some of the best...

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Am going home

I am home..at last! Awoke this morning in Manchester with period pains from hell ( I wish the government would legalise CRACK once a month for women)..the journey loomed ahead, so I upgraded to first class and encountered a well dressed oppressive old man who demanded my newspaper (wot is it...

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Trains and autism

Yesterday i got on the train to Manchester, the Glasgow station was full of police...and instead of making me feel safe they made me feel scared. I told my husband in the car that if I die he has to marry again and make sure he enjoys his life.... ( I am so fucking melodramatic in the mornings)...

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Life in London

London is my second home, this is true. I awoke this morning to the horrifying news that London had been attacked. My first thoughts was for my best mate Monica, she travels the length and breadth of the Capital daily due to her job as a restaurant PR. My nerves jangled as her phone-which...

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